I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
