Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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