We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You work out of a Hotel?
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
