Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
