from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
