Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
