I wish I only lived at night.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
