Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
