TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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