Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
