I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
