i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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