Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
