who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
