Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
