o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found puke in my bra..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
