Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
