What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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