I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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