allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
