yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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