i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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