I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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