Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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