Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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