i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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