I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
