Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
