Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
