what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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