Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She has the best kind of daddy issues
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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