u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
