Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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