Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I believe in your delicious
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
