Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
