Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
