I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
