i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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