literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
