Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
