And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
