giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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