It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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