My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
