Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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