It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
