I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
