dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
