we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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