Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
