Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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