i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
