I am puke
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
