I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she pinky promised me she was 18
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
